Comments for 302-H10 Course Blog Spring 2008 http://302h10s08.wordpress.com Just another WordPress.com weblog Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:36:01 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 Comment on Final Research Paper (Shawn W.) by zarshad http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/2008/04/04/outline-shawn-w/#comment-1618 zarshad Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:36:01 +0000 http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/?p=199#comment-1618 Nice, detailed outline! You seem to have a pretty good layout of your research paper :) Under "ways to censor children from TV," what criteria will you be using to suggest censoring some shows? Would it be the same as the Hays Office (the Production Code)? Or you don't agree with that criteria and would have a different basis for censoring shows? Nice, detailed outline! You seem to have a pretty good layout of your research paper :) Under “ways to censor children from TV,” what criteria will you be using to suggest censoring some shows? Would it be the same as the Hays Office (the Production Code)? Or you don’t agree with that criteria and would have a different basis for censoring shows?

]]> Comment on 10-Scarface sample paper by swickham http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-158 swickham Thu, 06 Mar 2008 00:35:10 +0000 http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-158 The first two paragraphs opens up to the thesis. The paper has good evidence and backs up the argument. I know exactly where the author stands. The only problem is there are a lot of paragraphs that start with "I". Overall, it is a good paper. The first two paragraphs opens up to the thesis. The paper has good evidence and backs up the argument. I know exactly where the author stands. The only problem is there are a lot of paragraphs that start with “I”. Overall, it is a good paper.

]]> Comment on 10-Scarface sample paper by Mtahir2 http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-157 Mtahir2 Thu, 06 Mar 2008 00:12:41 +0000 http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-157 This paper on the dangers of Scarface relies heavily on the usage of direct quotes from the text. If the author were to expand on these quotes and directly correlate them to the papers topic more it would be helpful for the reader to understand the background of the Hays office, and conservative lifestyles of the 1930’s. Personal opinion is very evident in this paper. Not to regard this as beneficial or harmful for the paper but it takes away from the factual points in the essay. This paper on the dangers of Scarface relies heavily on the usage of direct quotes from the text. If the author were to expand on these quotes and directly correlate them to the papers topic more it would be helpful for the reader to understand the background of the Hays office, and conservative lifestyles of the 1930’s. Personal opinion is very evident in this paper. Not to regard this as beneficial or harmful for the paper but it takes away from the factual points in the essay.

]]> Comment on 10-Scarface sample paper by crobinsb http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-156 crobinsb Thu, 06 Mar 2008 00:12:27 +0000 http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-156 This paper was very interesting to read. The introduction and the second paragraph contained too much textbook information, and not enough of the author's thoughts. After the first two papragraphs conclude, the author clearly states that he/she does not believe that Scarface is a dangerous film. I did like the fact that the author mentioned that Scarface was not a "how to" book with regards to how to become a gangster. Overall, the information presented in the paper was clear and easy to read. This paper was very interesting to read. The introduction and the second paragraph contained too much textbook information, and not enough of the author’s thoughts. After the first two papragraphs conclude, the author clearly states that he/she does not believe that Scarface is a dangerous film. I did like the fact that the author mentioned that Scarface was not a “how to” book with regards to how to become a gangster. Overall, the information presented in the paper was clear and easy to read.

]]> Comment on 10-Scarface sample paper by tngun http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-155 tngun Wed, 05 Mar 2008 23:44:51 +0000 http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-155 I think the introduction had good details and quotes about the public's opinion at that time. The use and explaination of the quotes connected with the third paragraph where the thesis was stated. The insertion of why people did not question the parental control and true intentions of children supported the argument. In the following paragraphs, I think there was too much use of the "I" pronoun. The sentence structuring should be varied to make the argument sound more persuasive. I think the introduction had good details and quotes about the public’s opinion at that time. The use and explaination of the quotes connected with the third paragraph where the thesis was stated. The insertion of why people did not question the parental control and true intentions of children supported the argument. In the following paragraphs, I think there was too much use of the “I” pronoun. The sentence structuring should be varied to make the argument sound more persuasive.

]]> Comment on 10-Scarface sample paper by swaffi http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-154 swaffi Wed, 05 Mar 2008 23:44:11 +0000 http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-154 This paper was interesting. It started with a paragraph that kind of lost me at the begining. But later on through the rest of the paper after third paragraph, it was made clear what the author wants. It is supportive of the authors writing by providing alot of quotes. In general the paper was well written but not totally organized in my opnion. If the reader is familiar with the background of the text, the reader understands it if not, it is hard for the reader. Some sentences were repetetive. This paper was interesting. It started with a paragraph that kind of lost me at the begining. But later on through the rest of the paper after third paragraph, it was made clear what the author wants. It is supportive of the authors writing by providing alot of quotes. In general the paper was well written but not totally organized in my opnion. If the reader is familiar with the background of the text, the reader understands it if not, it is hard for the reader. Some sentences were repetetive.

]]> Comment on 10-Scarface sample paper by bmoorman http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-153 bmoorman Wed, 05 Mar 2008 23:28:36 +0000 http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-153 The way that this paper starts off is very interesting. It kind of throws us what we think will be the object of the paper but then three paragraphs into it, we find out that the writer wants to expand on his belief that Scarface was not a dangerous film. I do think it is fine that the thesis was not within the first paragraph, but there is a lot of fluff it seems before he gets to his point. I feel like the first two paragraphs did not introduce what the rest of the paper was going to be about. Not to mention that some of the sentences were kind of wordy. Overall I did like the paper, it just didn’t flow from the beginning to the end. The way that this paper starts off is very interesting. It kind of throws us what we think will be the object of the paper but then three paragraphs into it, we find out that the writer wants to expand on his belief that Scarface was not a dangerous film. I do think it is fine that the thesis was not within the first paragraph, but there is a lot of fluff it seems before he gets to his point. I feel like the first two paragraphs did not introduce what the rest of the paper was going to be about. Not to mention that some of the sentences were kind of wordy. Overall I did like the paper, it just didn’t flow from the beginning to the end.

]]> Comment on 10-Scarface sample paper by lgolden3 http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-152 lgolden3 Wed, 05 Mar 2008 23:23:51 +0000 http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-152 It seems to me that this paper has two different approaches. The first two paragraphs present an historical approach to the subject of Scarface and its influences. Then, in the third paragraph, the paper seems to shift to an opinion paper. I think the author has interesting ideas, but I’m not sure that the two distinct approaches connect for me. I like both approaches and would enjoy reading both sections developed into two different papers. It seems to me that this paper has two different approaches. The first two paragraphs present an historical approach to the subject of Scarface and its influences. Then, in the third paragraph, the paper seems to shift to an opinion paper. I think the author has interesting ideas, but I’m not sure that the two distinct approaches connect for me. I like both approaches and would enjoy reading both sections developed into two different papers.

]]> Comment on 10-Scarface sample paper by dgreeng http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-151 dgreeng Wed, 05 Mar 2008 23:21:13 +0000 http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-151 I think the introduction is much too long. It should be simple and straight forward and without any quotes. The thesis should be made clear. The introduction is meant to give why the reader should keep reading and keep them reading as to take in why you have written the paper. My sugguestions: In the 1930s, Scarface was released. Many people didn't think it should be release, concerned for it's effect on children. One event that resulted from the films release was the accidental shooting of one boy by another who were playing cops and robbers. While there are those that contend that movie depicts kinds of organized crime, movies can have as much power as these people give them. I think the introduction is much too long. It should be simple and straight forward and without any quotes. The thesis should be made clear. The introduction is meant to give why the reader should keep reading and keep them reading as to take in why you have written the paper.

My sugguestions:

In the 1930s, Scarface was released. Many people didn’t think it should be release, concerned for it’s effect on children. One event that resulted from the films release was the accidental shooting of one boy by another who were playing cops and robbers. While there are those that contend that movie depicts kinds of organized crime, movies can have as much power as these people give them.

]]> Comment on 10-Scarface sample paper by jreed7 http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-150 jreed7 Wed, 05 Mar 2008 23:20:52 +0000 http://302h10s08.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/10-scarface-sample-paper/#comment-150 The introduction paragraph of this paper seems to set up the paper in open-form. Open-form is a kind of paper that asks a question or brings up an idea in the introduction, and the rest of the paper guides the reader to believe the writer’s point of view. This paper has element of an open form. I say this because there is no definitive thesis in the introduction, but more of an idea that people think 1930’s gangster films are thought to be bad. However, I would say that this paper is aimless because its just a collection of thoughts about a topic. It clearly does not follow the outline of a Closed-form paper, so logic would say its open instead. I say its neither of the two. The introductory paragraph just sets up an idea, but then the writer tries to follow a Closed-form paper. Also, its bad form to have quotes in the introduction anyway, so that just makes the paper worse. The introduction paragraph of this paper seems to set up the paper in open-form. Open-form is a kind of paper that asks a question or brings up an idea in the introduction, and the rest of the paper guides the reader to believe the writer’s point of view. This paper has element of an open form. I say this because there is no definitive thesis in the introduction, but more of an idea that people think 1930’s gangster films are thought to be bad. However, I would say that this paper is aimless because its just a collection of thoughts about a topic. It clearly does not follow the outline of a Closed-form paper, so logic would say its open instead. I say its neither of the two. The introductory paragraph just sets up an idea, but then the writer tries to follow a Closed-form paper. Also, its bad form to have quotes in the introduction anyway, so that just makes the paper worse.

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