My discussion with Joel was very helpful. He read my paper and gave me some insights on how to change my ideas to make it more influential. He wrote some comments on the revising sheet to help me focus on the weaknesses in my paper. He also encouraged me on my topic. I thank Joel for his input. I have tried to change my paper around to make it more persuasive and interesting. I hope my reader will agree with my view on television violence for young children.
Discussion about Final paper- Shawn W.
April 28, 2008Second Peer Discussion – Christopher Robinson, Jr.
April 23, 2008The discussion between Christine and I regarding my final paper was very productive. I explained to Christine that I included more information about the origins of the Hays Office and the Lord-Quigley Proposal in paper. She commented that the additional information worked well with the overall format of the paper. However, Christine, as well as Professor Thompson, advised me to use more quotes that are not found in Hollywood Censored. Scholarly journals and Internet sources will be used in order to create a more diverse set of references for my paper. Overall, Christine said that my paper was very well written, and that I just had to correct simple spelling errors. Our discussion time was used very wisely and effectively.
Disscusion of final paper Diana T.
April 23, 2008Going over my paper with Dustin, he helped me make changes on how to clear up my thesis. I need transitions to my next topic when I go from paragraph to paragraph. A lot of editing was done to clean up my sentence structure. I should use quotes as supportive material only.
4 Page Draft Discussion – Christine S.
April 23, 2008Chris and I discussed my new and improved paper on the Internet and children. Since the last revised proposal was due, I have removed a section and revised my outline. Not all of my sections have been written yet, so Chris was only able to comment on the paragraphs that have been written so far. He again gave me suggestions on how to develop my thesis so it ties in the ideas which I am covering in the paper. Also, I was able to get some feedback on a paragraph pertaining to the Communications Decency Act and the Child Online Protection Act. I wasn’t sure if it was a section that ought to be expanded, or if it played enough of a role the way I have it now. Chris thought it was well used the way it is presently written. Overall, a productive discussion that gave me some good guidance on fleshing out the remainder of the sections.
Paper workshop-Lisa O
April 23, 2008Bhavna and I looked over our first few pages of our rough drafts for our final paper today in class. It was very helpful to see another persons point of view about my writing and ideas. Bhavna pointed out some key points in my paper so far that will guide me through my progression: the facts and information is useful, quotes and paraphrasing is good,sources are relevant,some tricky sentences,the info paragraph lacks structure of where the paper is going,parts of the paper lack organization and needs structure as well,all my points should relate back to the thesis. Bhavna’s paper is an argument closely related to mine and I think she has a good start so far. She needs to expand further on her information and relate all her paragraphs back to the thesis. For both of us the focus now is to develop our papers and support our arguments making sure all of our information is relating back to our thesis. Both of us have editing and expanding to do in some areas as to ensure that our papers are easily understood and are arguments are clear. For next week, we hope to have a final rough draft and get feedback on our progress so far.
Bhavna B.-Peer editing paper workshop
April 23, 2008For our peer editing session, Lisa O’mara and I discussed our thesis’, the organziational structures of our paper, and the appropriateness of supporting evidence. Lisa judgef whether or not the information I presented was clear and concise, along with whether it is useful and relevant.
We focused a lot on transitions, maintaining the focus on our thesis, and making sure our writing doesn’t drift from the main.arguement. Lisa critiqued that I should explore my thoughts even further which could possibly open doors to new points. She also states that I should tie in my sources to the main point more often, to solidify and reinforce it.
This peer editing session was very helpful. Now I know exactly what to work on for next week! 🙂
Peer Discussion
April 22, 2008After discussing my paper topic with a couple of people in class including Professor Thompson,
I looked into a couple movies in the Jc Library that I could watch about the media’s affect on adolescents and children. I got a hold of a couple articles online at JSTOR that proved to be quite helpful when it came to videogames and the detrimental effects they can have on impressionable children. I will be incorporating these findings in my paper draft for Wednesday.
peer discussion of paper (Lisa)
April 17, 2008Bhavna and I read over each others outlines and plans. We are doing similar topics so I thought her ideas were well thought out and relevant to her topic. I suggested some rearranging of word choice and to connect her thoughts more thoroughly but she is definitely on the right track. Bhavna read over my introduction paragraph and suggested some grammar changes and to narrow down my thesis to better clarify the argument. She helped me understand what I am trying to argue in the paper and helped me to see what I want the reader to able to get out of my paper. I need to clearly identify how the rest of my outline relates back to my thesis. Because my thesis needs some adjustment, I might have to again change my outline and plan a bit to clearly define what it is I am trying to accomplish in this paper.
Outline with Tammy (Shawn W.)
April 16, 2008I talked with tammy about my outline and what I will be discussing in my paper. My argument is the violent scenes shown on television is acted out in real life situation by children who watch it. She broke down my outline and asked me specific questions on what I should be answering in my paper. She let me know that I need to be specific and either tie it all into harmful effects with children or just talk about four specific effects causing children to behave violently. Tammy helped me break down my overall plan into a more simple and straightforward paper instead of scattered ideas. Thanks Tammy!
302-H10 Course Blog Spring 2008 